Crushed
by xYaoiGirlx
Summary: In which Lavi has a crush on Lenalee and Allen has a crush on Lavi and wants nothing more than for him to look his way, even if just once to ease his troubled mind. Throw in a bunch of friends drinking and who knows what may end up happening! Based on my drinking nights. AU. Lavi/Leenalee, one-sided Allen/Lavi for now.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man. I'm just using the characters for my entertainment.

Pairings: Lavi/Leenalee, one-sided Allen/Lavi (for now), and possibly some Tyki/Kanda or Tyki/Allen later on.

Notes: AU. Allen has no scar and a normal arm, Lavi has both eyes, and Leenalee and Road are cousins. Has a heavy reference to drinking and eventual drug usage. Some or most of the characters will probably be OOC at one point or another. You can decide their ages, though I put Allen around 19, so he's still not legally allowed to drink.

More notes: This is more or less based off my Tuesday drinking night that I have at my house, though in this situation, I would be Allen. My friends and I all work at a pizza place, though you wouldn't know from the minor references I use. Some situations here are based off what actually happens, though most of it is based off what I'm seeing in my head. I don't think it will have a happy ending for Allen though…

**Character Roles**:  
Allen is more so based off me as is Road being my conscience.  
I guess Tyki would be my friend Matt; he likes to cuddle with me when we crash for the night in a drunken stupor. XD  
Lavi would be Stacy, a guy I have a crush on that I work with, who has a crush on 'my ninja', Lyndsay (she's just short enough that I don't see her half the time, so I accuse her of sneaking up on me all ninja like), who would be Lenalee.

* * *

Crushed

I don't care anymore. My heart can't take it; it hurts so much. My mind can't take it; it's about to shatter. I'm done.

That's what I keep telling myself anyway every morning after the fact. It's just too bad that I'm so far in love with him that I keep going back for more…

xoxoxox

"You guys are coming over tonight, right?" Lavi chirps over the phone. I've been at his apartment for hours already, helping him set up for his party tonight. It's become kind of a ritual, these Tuesday night parties. However, they've been getting to me lately. There's been less drinking and more of our friends getting high; thankfully they rarely, if ever, try to pressure me into it.

He laughs and continues talking with someone while I sit on the couch, sighing and closing my eyes, leaning fully back into the couch as I idly run a hand through my recently cut hair; I like playing with it when it's short in the back. I hear him shuffle off somewhere, mumbling something, assumedly over the phone, as I can't help but let a tiny smile play on my lips as I hear his smooth voice, my eyes staring out the window across from me.

I had a HUGE crush on my best friend, if not already in love with him. But I don't think he'd ever take me as a lover; we're too close, or so he'd think, I'm sure. And I know he has a crush on someone else…

And that someone else always made it to the Tuesday night parties. And someone just so happened to let it slip to her a few weeks ago about Lavi's crush to said crush. And that crush had admitted to liking him too, despite the fact that that person is in a relationship.

But I don't think that Lenalee would leave her boyfriend over this crush. At least, that's what my heart keeps wishing for so that I can still have a fleeting chance.

"You alright?"

My eyes snap open, having shut at some point as I ran these things through my head, locking with curious olive green ones inches from my face. Lavi was bent over at the waist with his hands on his hips, nearly eye level with me now.

"You've been daydreaming a lot lately," he says as he stands fully upright now that he has my attention.

I manage a weak, but hopefully convincing smile. "I'm fine."

"You sure? It doesn't seem like they're good daydreams…"

Damn, he knows me too well.

I shrug, breaking my eyes away from his. "They start out good, but lately…"

His phone begins ringing and I silence myself as he pulls his phone from his pocket.

"Hold that thought," he smiles sweetly as he turns his attention to his phone call. "Lena-chan! You're coming over tonight, yes?"

I cringe and stand from the couch, sneaking down the hall to his bathroom while his back is turned to me. She's my friend too; a very good and dear friend, but I just can't stomach the thought of them together. I would gladly abandon them to live in solitude to know that they were happy and I'd have a slightly happier life. That's what I always think anyway.

I close the bathroom door and sit on the edge of the bathtub, taking my face in my hands, trying to compose myself.

There's really no big reason to get so flustered. We're all, more or less, adults and free to do what we want. But just once, I want him to look at me with those eyes that he always looks to her with. I'm sadly grouped in the 'one of the guys' category and don't have a fighting chance to be with him.

"Sorry," I hear him mumble a few minutes later from behind the door, oblivious to the pain he's causing me. "I'm ready to hear what you were talking about."

I inhale deeply, rubbing my hands against my face before placing them on my knees as I use them for leverage to stand.

"Why were you in there if you weren't using the bathroom?" he questioned as we sat on his bed a few moments later.

"I just needed a moment to myself," I say, plastering on a fake smile and closing my eyes. "And don't worry about the daydream thing," I assure him, placing a hand on his knee. "It's no big deal."

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, ruffling my hair with his free hand. "I know you'll tell me when you're ready," he smiles at me before releasing me and standing. "But in the meantime to cheer you up, what do you want for dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry right now," I admit, rubbing my hands back and forth on my knees as I locked my unfocused gaze on the bathroom door knob.

Lavi knows I'm not myself and that something's on my mind, but the thing I love and hate about him is that he usually doesn't push it. If he did this time, I'm sure I'd spill everything to him, maybe even hurt his feelings, which is something I don't want to do. When I first met Lavi, he was a sad pathetic soul with few friends and low self-esteem. Now he was one of the most popular guys are our job, with customers and employees alike.

Sometimes, like this, when I had something I really wanted to say, I wouldn't. I'd keep it trapped inside and let it bubble up and hurt myself rather than him. I hate the times when I really wanted to say what was bothering me, despite the consequences, but I don't have the courage to say it. Only when he reassures me and pleads that I tell him do I have the courage to break my silence.

He sighs in slight annoyance. I know he doesn't like to see me down and hiding things from him. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him rub the back of his neck, staring at me for a few moments before leaving the bedroom. "If you think of something you want, let me know."

I grunt in response, not entirely sure if it was even loud enough for him to hear as I continued to stare at the gold knob and fall back into my thoughts.

xoxoxox

He doesn't bother me until the guests start to arrive shortly after 7 p.m. I know he had finally taken it upon himself to cook dinner for everyone; I can smell the wonderful concoction down here.

"Yuu and Johnny are here," he informs me as he leans against his doorframe. "You ready to join us?"

I had since taken to lying back on the bed with my feet still on the floor, simply staring at the light filtering between the blinds across the ceiling. I roll my head slightly, drinking in the sight of him before pushing myself up on my elbows.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," I say, not making an attempt to move further.

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, though a small smile was tugging his lips as he entered the room, grabbing me by the arm and hauling me up. "No, you're coming now. You've been down all afternoon; it's time to drink and cheer up!"

"Alright! Alright!" I smile, a true smile, as he wraps an arm around my shoulder and steers me towards the living room.

"Who's ready for round one?" Lavi laughs as he releases me in the living room, already rounding in to the kitchen.

"Already? Everyone's not here yet!" Johnny cries in disbelief despite the fact that we're all following Lavi into the kitchen.

"Allen, what do you want?" Lavi grins as he pulls out the shot glasses he's acquired over the past few months.

I eyed my choices. Jägermeister, 99 Berries or Bananas, Fruit Punch or Raspberry vodka, and Crown Royal.

"Berries," I finally decide and he makes quick work of pouring me a shot in my dark purple shot glass and handing me a plastic chaser cup. I found that Sunny D works best for killing the burn of the alcohol. I'm partial to the Orange Pineapple flavor myself.

By the time I finish pouring myself a glass of juice, Johnny has a cup of Dr. Pepper with a clear shot glass of Jäger, as does Kanda in a dark blue glass with no chaser, and Lavi with the Raspberry vodka in a clear shot glass with "I heart sex" and no chaser.

"Clinkies!" Lavi calls, holding his glass in the center of our small circle, grinning goofily. 'Clinkies' had become our word for 'cheers' some time ago when I was so drunk that I couldn't think of 'cheers', just the sound that the glasses made when they tapped each other. Of course, they had all laughed at me, but the term stuck.

Everyone taps shots and called 'clinkies', downing the shots soon after. Of course Johnny and I grimaced from the burn and quickly downed a good portion of our chasers while Lavi and Kanda simply sat their shot glasses down on the counter.

"So, who all is coming tonight?" Kanda inquires, obviously debating on whether or not to pour another shot.

"Well, Lenalee for sure," he blushed. "Reever said he'd try to make it and maybe Miranda and Road."

"I take it Krow, Link, and Tyki are working with Komui tonight then?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah…Too bad we all couldn't have the same days off, but Komui would be furious if he had an entire crew of newbs," Lavi frowned, already pouring another shot.

After downing his second shot of Jager, Lavi then points to the various bottles of alcohol and eyes us, silently asking if we're ready for another.

"Sure," I shrug, nudging Johnny into going another round with me. I hate drinking by myself.

Lavi smiles and pours Johnny and I another round, offering the Jager to Kanda.

"Clinkies," I call, raising my glass to the other two before downing it. No use sitting around and pouting all night. The alcohol is at least good for making me forget my pain, even if for a little while.

As I begin chugging my juice a knock comes at the door, the barrier creaking open to reveal Lenalee and Road, Road's arms wrapped around one of Lenalee's.

"We're here!" Road calls as Lenalee shuts the door, dashing across the room at me as soon as he sees me. "Allen!"

I smile, having quickly set my juice cup aside to receive her flying hug. Road and I were hired within weeks of each other and learned everything together; we've developed a close bond, but I don't feel anything more for her than friendship and I know she feels the same. She's been with the same guy for a couple years anyway and they have a nearly perfect, trusting relationship.

"How much catching up do I have?" she smiles as she grabs her black and white swirled shot glass.

"We've taken two so far," I smile, though it faded quickly. No sooner than Lavi had spotted the Chinese girl, he was by her side, wrapping her in a hug.

Road apparently hadn't noticed my sudden change in facial expression, which was more than likely the case as she was now pouring a shot of fruit punch vodka, quickly downing it with a slight grimace.

"One down!" she beams, quickly filling another shot and downing it. She liked to keep up with us as best as she could. "Lena-chan! Hurry up and get in here! You're two down!"

I grinned a bit, thankful at what she was trying to do. She knew, as I had told her in a drunken fit one night a couple weeks ago, that I had a crush on Lavi. We were all friends who worked together and trusted each other, but she liked to try and keep me happy, and so tried to pry Lavi away from her cousin for my sake.

"You guys can eat whenever too," Lavi says to everyone, gesturing at the food sitting on the stove top.

"Thanks, Lavi!" Lenalee beams as she takes her dark green shot glass that Road had filled for her, smiling to her cousin in thanks. "You're food is always amazing!"

Like I've said before, Lenalee is a very good friend of mine, but I can't stand the way she's been fawning over Lavi. "Road, pour me another please," I frown at the scene before me, though no one notices, before filling my chaser cup once again.

She grins wryly, holding my shot glass in one hand with her other just below it. I stand just in front of her and squat down a few inches, allowing her to pour the drink into my mouth. It wasn't the first time she's done this, so I knew the signals.

By the time I had finished chugging some of my juice, Road had already taken another shot and was pressing another filled shot glass into Lenalee's hand.

"Oh, Yuu and Johnny! We're going to fall behind!" Lavi grins. "Time for a group shot!"

I grimaced just thinking about another round so soon. "I'll hold off on this round," I say, drinking some more of my juice.

"Oh, c'mon, Allen!" Lenalee smiles, wrapping her arms around me with pleading eyes.

"Too late anyway," Road cuts in. "I've already poured you another round!"

"You guys love it when I'm drunk, don't you?" I smile halfheartedly, still inwardly grimacing about the upcoming shot.

"Damn straight!" Lavi laughs. "You're the funniest when you're drunk, hands down."

I know I can be a clown when I'm drunk. I'd love to do it sober to cheer people up sometimes, but I just can't bring myself to get over the 'people are going to judge me' fear. But when I'm drunk, so are my friends, and they could care less who or what I am during that time.

"Fine," I sigh, taking my glass begrudgingly from Road. "She'll pour it down my throat even if I refuse anyway. Clinkies!"

Everyone clinks and downs their shot.

"Now," I gasp against the burning, quickly drinking more juice, "no more for me for a little while!"

"Baby," Kanda leers at me with a shitty smirk.

I know he doesn't really mean it, as he's done this many times before, but it still kinda pisses me off to see that face.

"Just so you know, you're still a shot down from me," I shoot back, setting my glass aside and glaring at him playfully.

"Is that so?" he glowers back, his arm outstretched to Lavi with his shot glass. "And you're still shorter than me, Moyashi." He then downs another round.

"So what? You know your drink is weaker than mine in percentage?" I laugh in his face. (A/N: For those of you that don't drink, percentage is referring to the alcohol per volume of the bottle. The 99 Berries is 50% and Jager is only 35%.)

"Hey, stupid rabbit," he shoots at Lavi. "Another."

"Oh, not this again," Lenalee frowns. "Every week you two manage to get into a drinking competition."

"Road!"

"Here, Allen!" she coos, presenting me with my shot glass and freshly filled chaser cup, my eyes never leaving Kanda's.

"I'll go get the mop," Lavi sighs, running a hand through his hair. "These things never end well for my kitchen."

"If you're going to do that, who's pouring my shots?" Kanda growls after Lavi, soon after eying Lenalee and Johnny.

"I'm not fast enough," Johnny says, ducking away.

"You know I don't approve of this sort of thing," Lenalee frowns even more.

"Then I'll do it!"

All heads turn towards the new source of sexy laughter from the living room.

"Dead night?" Johnny questions as Tyki joins us in the kitchen.

"You have no idea," he grumbles, rolling his eyes as he begins letting his curly hair down from their pins. "Ready then, Yuu-chan?"

Kanda glares at him. "You and that damn asshole, Lavi…" he murmurs darkly at the nickname.

"Ready!" Road finally calls after Tyki has the bottle of Jager in his hand and Johnny holding the container of Sunny D ready to refill my chaser as needed. This was going to get rough. "Set! GO!"

We down our first round and instantly hold our glasses to the pourers. I refuse a chaser for the first two shots, crying out as the burn gets worse after the third. I finally give in and chase, downing a fourth round while I still have some juice in my mouth. I can't lose! Not to him!

Two more shots later, I shake my head, tears in my eyes and my hand over my mouth.

"Done! You got me this week!" I hiss against the pain of the shots in my throat and stomach.

"Good, otherwise we'd be swimming in sloshed drinks," Lavi sighed as he began mopping up the Jager, 99 Berries, and Sunny D from our feet.

"But don't get too cocky! You're drink is still weaker and I'm only down by one!" I huff, holding a hand over my stomach.

Apparently I didn't know the alcohol had kicked in so hard yet as I went to step towards the sink to rinse my now sticky hands, the room swaying slightly.

"I think you should be good for the night," Road giggles.

"Thanks, Tyki," I hear Kanda mumble as he flops down into one of the table's seats.

"My pleasure," he smiles, taking the shot glass and the bottle of Jager back to the sink.

"Drunk already?" I sneer. "Or are you just so fat that you fell down that fast into that poor seat?"

He simply glares back at me, his eyes slightly unfocused.

"Alright, alright!" Lavi interferes before we can start another round. "It's time for Apples to Apples!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimers**: I don't own D. Gray-man. I'm just using the characters for my entertainment! Enjoy!

**Notes**: This fic is AU. Lavi has both eyes and Allen has no scar and a normal arm.

**Additional Notes**: More alcohol use and minor references to marijuana use. Again, this is based loosely off my Tuesday drinking night.

**Character Roles**:  
Allen is more so based off me as is Road being my conscience.  
I guess Tyki would be my friend Matt; he likes to cuddle with me when we crash for the night in a drunken stupor. XD  
Lavi would be Stacy, a guy I have a crush on that I work with, who has a crush on 'my ninja', Lyndsay (she's just short enough that I don't see her half the time, so I accuse her of sneaking up on me all ninja like), who would be Lenalee.

Although, what Allen does while playing Apples to Apples is what Stacy did last year at Youmacon when we were drinking Jager! And we have the parties at my house, so I have to do some tweaking; you can't fit a pool table in Lavi's apartment!

* * *

Crushed

**xo Road POV ox**

"Why do you even still try?" Johnny laughed as everyone sat around the table, save for Allen, Tyki, and Lavi. Lavi only had four table chairs and the guys always offered to stand.

Johnny was, of course, referring to the fact that once Allen got tipsy enough he would start wandering around the apartment asking random questions about objects or just whatever popped into his head. And he was notorious for this when playing Apples to Apples.

Everyone else laughed at our friend too as he stumbled back in through the kitchen archway from the living room, rubbing his face with the hand not holding his cards. He let it be known on several occasions that when he started playing with his face, he was getting drunk; he said it would tingle a bit and feel numb, and that his hands just liked to slap his own cheeks. It was adorable.

"Whose turn is it?" he grinned, leaning against the table hard enough to move it about an inch away from him.

"Yours!" Lavi laughed, pushing the table back to its normal spot. "The card is 'Furious'."

All eyes fell on Allen as his mouth fell open slightly and a hand trailed from his nose down over his mouth to his chin, his eyes 'focused' to his cards before he finally slapped one down on the judge pile declaring, "That's the winner!" before wandering back towards the living room. "How long have you had this movie? I LOVE this movie!"

We all shook our heads and laughed as Lavi shuffled up the red cards and began reading them aloud to the group. Lavi sat the cards face up on the table, thinking it over before he finally called out, "Toasted Marshmallow!"

"For 'Furious'?" I can't help but cry out in disbelief. I thought for sure my card would win.

"Wouldn't you be furious if you were a toasted marshmallow? That means you're about to be eaten or fall off the stick into the fire to continue burning!" Lavi smiled, downing another shot.

"You and Allen…some of the things you guys come up with when you drink," Leena-chan giggles.

"It's all about playing to the judge!" Allen grins as he reenters the kitchen, slinging an arm around Tyki's shoulders. "Am I right?"

"But it's not fair when you're best friends!" I pout, still upset since I thought I would win, idly watching Tyki's arm snake around Allen's waist.

"You're my best friend too, Road!" Allen points out, his balance off as he teeters backwards and then to his side before regaining himself, all the while Tyki trying to steady him.

I feel the heat rise to my cheeks. "Draw your card," I mumble. He has a tendency to forget that you have to draw another red card after each round and usually ends up with only four cards by the time we're done with the game.

He draws, his head wobbling a bit from side to side as he reads it and places it in his hand.

"AH! Don't let him get away!" Johnny cries out as Allen turns to disappear into the other room again. "Leena-chan's already played the green card!"

It went on like this for a while, that being trying to keep Allen in the room and occasionally prodding Kanda from his thoughts as he glared at his handful of cards and reread the green card several times. Each time we made it through everyone being a judge, the person that won the most cards that round didn't have to drink while everyone else did.

And I must admit that I'm feeling it a little more than I usually do. I can't help it that I'm a sore loser…

**xo Normal POV ox**

'Gotta pee, gotta pee!' Allen's mind chants as he teeters down the hall, his right hand pressed against the wall for support as he makes his way to the bathroom, his mind too far gone to realize that he had been leaving a trail of his red apple cards in his wake. 'Gotta pee!'

"Oh, no. Where'd he go?" Lavi groans, noting that Allen wasn't in the kitchen or in the living room.

"Didn't you hear?" Kanda blurts out, tossing his hand of cards on the table, swaying in his seat. "He's gotta pee! Doesn't anyone listen around here?" He tended to be a little more vocal when tipsy.

Everyone eyed the Japanese youth curiously.

"Actually, no, I didn't hear Allen say anything," Lenalee says. "He played his last card and disappeared again."

"Well, in any case, he went to take a piss!" Kanda defended himself. He was sure he had actually heard Allen say those words before disappearing this last time.

Road had taken the lead for the search party for Allen, crying out excitedly as she noted the trail of cards leading towards Lavi's bedroom. "Yuu's right!"

"Well, while he's doing that," Tyki grinned mischievously as he pulled a plastic baggie out of his pants pocket. "Shall we?"

When Allen had returned to the kitchen, he frowned as he noticed the gravity bowl in the middle of the table with Lenalee bent over it, the game now put away.

"Hey! I wasn't done playing!" the silver haired youth pouted, leaning heavily on Johnny's back, his arms wrapped around his shoulders and his chin on his arm as he eyed the group.

"Sorry," Lenalee chokes a bit as she steps away from the table. "We were getting a little bored of it."

Allen had been too but didn't approve of them smoking, or inhaling, or just plain flat out dealing with pot, and so put up a feeble fight.

"Let's go in the other room," Road said, gently grasping Allen by the elbow a few minutes later after he had watched Tyki take a hit and Lavi wrap an arm around Lenalee's waist. He followed willingly, dragging Johnny along for the ride.

"You're starting to get bad at hiding it," she chided as the three of them sat on the couch, Allen in the middle.

"Hiding what?" Johnny asked, confused. He had just been an innocent, slightly tipsy bystander.

"Not you," she smiled, leaning across Allen and poking him on the nose before returning fully to her cushion. "Allen, you were glaring at them."

"At who?" the fluffy haired young man questioned.

"So, am I the only one who knows then?" Road asked as Allen fell over to rest on her shoulder, noting how oblivious Johnny was about the scenario. "In any case," she went on as Allen idly nodded against her shoulder. "You need to be more careful. You don't want to upset them and have them mad at you."

"But it's not fair!" Allen wailed, suddenly sitting upright and flinging his arms upward before he stood. "She has a boymph!"

"Shhhh!" Road laughed as she quickly covered Allen's mouth. "You're yelling."

"And you've not had enough to drink if you're telling me I'm yelling!" Allen pointed out as he gently removed her hand from his mouth.

"So let's take another shot!" she grinned.

"One more and that's it! Johnny, you hear? Don't let me take any more after this one!" Allen pointed at him, his head rolling forward slightly as he gave a feeble warning glare.

All three headed back into the kitchen, making faces at the nasty smell now swirling around the room.

"Oh! Me too!" Lavi calls out as he sees Road filling the shot glasses. "Group shot!"

Everyone nodded in agreement; it had been some time since their last group shot of alcohol.

"Clinkies!" everyone calls. As Allen finished his shot and began to chase it, he sloshed some of his Sunny D on his shirt and the floor, giggling into his cup. Lavi was unable to contain his own fit of giggles as he sat his glass aside, groping blindly for the paper towels and drying off Allen's shirt before wrapping him in a hug.

"You're drunk right now, huh?" the redhead laughed as he hugged Allen tighter.

"Just a little!" the silver haired teen responded, snuggling into Lavi's chest, still giggling like crazy. "Hey! Hey, Road! Look!"

The girl grinned and pulled Allen away from his friend, knowing what his current train of thought was and hoped that this would silence him from speaking his mind out loud.

"Now what do you guys wanna do?" Lavi turns to everyone, slinging an arm around Tyki and leaning against his side.

Most of them shrugged, looking to each other for a suggestion.

"How about watching that one movie?" Allen spoke up, his eyes wide as he vaguely remembered the movie he had been so excited about earlier that evening.

Since no one else had any suggestions, four of them grabbed the kitchen chairs and proceeded to make their way to the living room.

"I wanna sit next to you!" the silver haired teen grinned as he hugged Lavi from behind right before they started to leave the kitchen.

"Me too!" Lenalee smiled, now standing next to the redhead.

Allen's arms tensed fractionally around Lavi's waist at hearing this, though he expected her to say it. His face was now pressed between Lavi's shoulder blades as he fought the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Go ahead and sit down and I'll be there in a minute," Lavi smiled, watching her leave the room before turning around in Allen's embrace, tilting his friend's chin up so their eyes could meet. "What's wrong?"

"It's not fair!" he blurted out, his eyebrows furrowed and a tear leaked down one of his cheeks.

"What's not fair?"

"Everything!"

He hugged Allen to his chest, running a hand through his silver hair and murmuring into his ear. "What's not fair, Allen? Does it have to do what's been bugging you all day?"

Allen may have been drunk, but he knew well enough what was going on around him and locked his jaw shut. Road wasn't there to save him this time.

"Allen," Lavi sighed. "Do you like Lenalee, too?"

"Of course not!" he cried out, backing a few inches away from Lavi, losing his balance and falling backwards into the counter before slipping to the floor, his elbow knocking someone's chaser cup over so that the liquid was all over the counter and, narrowly missing spilling down on top of Allen, all over the kitchen floor.

"Allen!" Lavi yelped, kneeling down to his friend's side. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," he frowned sadly, pushing Lavi's hand away and standing. His pride was more hurt than his rear end at this point.

"Allen?"

"Let's just watch the movie, okay?" he said, his back to Lavi as he headed down the hall, away from everyone.

"What happened?" Road called out, noticing her friend retreating to Lavi's room and the mess now on the kitchen floor.

"He slipped," the redhead mumbled as he mopped up the puddle on the floor.

"Is he alright?"

"Yeah."

"Did he say something weird?" Road finally asked as she stepped towards Lavi, talking so only he could hear her.

"He hasn't told me anything all day!" Lavi sighed heavily as he dried the spot with some paper towels. "And I know something's been bugging him hardcore lately."

Road knew she shouldn't be interfering, but she also knew that Allen was likely to break soon if something wasn't said.

"Lavi," she went on in that same low voice, hesitating as he locked eyes with her.

"You know…"

"I know."

"Then what…?"

"I can't tell you. I'm sure you'll find out soon, but I want to say this for his sake. Please," she nearly begged as she took Lavi's hands in her own, glancing around the kitchen to make sure no one else was listening in on them. "Please, tone it down with Lenalee."

"But he just told me he doesn't like her like that!" he replied, completely confused as he tightened his grip on Road's small hands more than he should have.

"He doesn't."

"Wait…Road…"

"Are you guys gonna join us or not?" Johnny called as Lavi spoke.

"Be right there!" Road chirped, releasing Lavi and bounding into the room briefly. "I have to go to the bathroom and I'll be back!"

Lavi had emerged from the kitchen and turned in the direction of his bedroom, stopping when Road shook her head at him, not wanting him to follow.

The small girl headed down the hall, shutting Lavi's bedroom door before knocking on the locked bathroom door. "It's me, Allen."

She heard him sniff a few times and shuffle across the floor to unlock the door and open it slightly for her.

"Hey, now," she cooed soothingly, leading Allen from the bathroom onto the end of Lavi's bed, wrapping him in a comforting embrace. "Calm down. You don't need to get so worked up."

"I wanna tell him, Road. But I'm afraid to!" he choked as he tried to stifle a sob. "I know he doesn't want me!"

"You don't know that for sure," she whispered as she gently rocked Allen, stroking his hair.

"I do know! I know he'll think I'm weirder than what I normally am and will stop wanting to be around me…"

"I doubt that very much. You're his favorite person to work with and be around and you know it!"

Allen knew that anything he said would be countered by Road, and so gave in to just sobbing brokenly onto her shoulder until he cried himself to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man. I'm just using the characters for my entertainment.

Pairings: Lavi/Leenalee, one-sided Allen/Lavi (for now).

Notes: AU. Allen has no scar and a normal arm, Lavi has both eyes, and Leenalee and Road are cousins. Has a heavy reference to drinking and drug usage. Some or most of the characters will probably be OOC at one point or another. You can decide their ages, though I put Allen around 19, so he's still not legally allowed to drink.

More notes: This is more or less based off my Tuesday drinking night that I have at my house, though in this situation, I would be Allen. My friends and I all work at a pizza place, though you wouldn't know from the minor references I use. Some situations here are based off what actually happens, though most of it is based off what I'm seeing in my head. I don't think it will have a happy ending for Allen though…

Sadly, we just found out last week, that this past Monday was Stacy's last day working with us…He put in his two weeks and is going to work for a factory very soon, so I don't know when I'll even get to see him again…Matt may even be leaving us too! D:

**Character Roles**:  
Allen is more so based off me as is Road being my conscience.  
I guess Tyki would be my friend Matt; he likes to cuddle with me when we crash for the night in a drunken stupor. XD  
Lavi would be Stacy, a guy I have a crush on that I work with, who has a crush on 'my ninja', Lyndsay (she's just short enough that I don't see her half the time, so I accuse her of sneaking up on me all ninja like), who would be Lenalee.

* * *

**Crushed**

Allen had woken in the middle of Lavi's bed the next morning with Tyki curled up against his back and Lavi on the other side of him, their noses mere inches from each other and he could still smell the lingering alcohol on his friend's breath.

Parts of last night were a blur in his memory, but he remembered for the most part what he and Road had talked about and couldn't stand to be this close to Lavi and not touch him. He had to leave, now.

'I can't move,' he mentally groaned, his head still feeling a bit off as though there was still some alcohol in his system, which was a high probability. Tyki had his arm wrapped tightly around him which was riding rather low across his hip and 'frontal region' and had him, more or less, locked in place. 'Just great…'

He managed to roll onto his back, nearly accidentally elbowing Lavi in the face in the process, hoping that Tyki's grip would loosen on him or that the gorgeous tanned man would wake up enough to let him go. But this was their resident pervert he was talking about… If it moved, there was a high chance Tyki would try to get in its pants.

Thankfully, having put Tyki's arm in a rather awkward and slightly painful new position, the older man rolled over and curled his hands beneath the pillow, thus freeing Allen.

Slowly inching his way on his bottom down the middle of the bed, he made to stand up when he reached the end but ended up wobbling and nearly falling back into the mattress.

'Ugh…shouldn't have had that last shot,' he scolded himself as he pushed himself off the bed with his hands, waiting until he was steady and fully standing before he padded to the bathroom, swaying slightly with each step, turning the handle and shutting the door behind him, allowing the latch to silently click back into place as he released the golden knob a moment later.

He sighed and ran a hand through his sleep mused hair on his way to the toilet to relieve his bladder, then to the sink to wash his hands and splash some water on his face. It was then that he noticed how glazed over his eyes still were and how disheveled his silver locks were.

'And I have to work tonight too…' he mentally sighed. He knew he'd have to stay awake now and let the rest of the alcohol wear off before then. 'And I suddenly don't feel so good…'

His stomach suddenly turned on him, bile rising in his throat.

'Please no,' he thought, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration and his hand found its way to his queasy stomach. 'I hate throwing up more than anything…'

He fought it as best he could for a few minutes, not leaving the sink until he couldn't fight it anymore.

Dashing the few steps across the white tiled floor, he quickly made his way to his knees, lifting the toilet seat up with a quickness never known to man, and proceeded to get the alcohol out of his body another way…

"You alright? You didn't get sick again did you?" he heard Lavi ask worriedly a few moments later as he stared down into the toilet bowl, dry heaving one more time, deeming his stomach empty of all contents, before he flushed the porcelain god and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I'm fine," he called back weakly as he stood and wobbled to the sink; his stomach now felt much better, which in turn made him feel that less impaired.

"You sure?" Lavi asked, assuming that it was safe to enter the room now that he heard the taps running.

"Yeah," Allen smiled shortly after rinsing his mouth out with some water. "I feel a lot better now."

Lavi frowned at him as he closed the door gently.

"What?" the silver haired teen inquired as he dried his mouth with the bottom of his shirt, his eyes locked with Lavi's.

"That's the fifth time since you've switched from Jager to Berries," he pointed out. "You need to either go back to Jager or switch to some other type of alcohol…"

"But you know how picky I am…I only like certain flavors. And I threw up a couple times on Jager too!"

"Well, yeah, but anyone would if they drank a whole fifth to themselves!" Lavi retorted. He meant well, Allen knew, but he liked to stick with what was tasty. "Look, we'll try you on something different next week, okay? I'll pick it out for you, and if you don't like it, I'm sure someone will drink it."

Allen nodded. The Berries did burn something awful when he drank it and Jager just didn't taste the same to him after that. "But if I don't like it, I'm sticking with Berries!"

"At least until I find something you can handle better. Especially since you're the one closing tonight…You don't need to go into work feeling like complete and utter shit."

"But you know I don't usually work at all on Wednesdays," the teen pointed out in a weak defense while Lavi shot him a withered look. "Fine, fine," Allen agreed as he headed towards the bathroom door. "I'll see you tonight; I'm going to go home, shower, and get my work clothes washed."

"Be safe on your way home," Lavi grinned cheekily, knowing how clumsy Allen could be. "We don't want you falling over the railing or tripping on the concrete and face planting!"

Allen returned the withered look before closing the bathroom door behind him.

Lavi teased him almost every time his friend went home; he only lived in the apartment next to him with his father, Mana.

xoxoxox

The following Tuesday had rolled around and Lavi had since been to the liquor store to restock his supplies; occasionally, if he was running low on funds, everyone would pitch in a few bucks. Lavi never really asked for money; he was content just spending quality time with his friends in a fun atmosphere.

And said redhead also noticed that on his days off and sometimes even at work, Allen was still mopey when no one was looking. The teen had become an expert at plastering on a mask when people were around him as of late.

Tonight was no exception.

Allen had taken his sweet time in getting to Lavi's to help set and clean up the apartment. Usually, on any given day, Allen was at his place from sun-up to sun-down unless he was working or showering, and even then he was known to use Lavi's shower from time to time. He was also dragging his feet as he did his Tuesday night routine of cleaning.

"You still haven't told me," Lavi said offhandedly as he wiped down his kitchen table and Allen was placing the last of the clean dishes in the cabinets.

"Told you what?" He honestly had no idea what Lavi was talking about as he stretched to put the last cup away on the highest shelf.

"Why you've been acting distant," the redhead replied as he tossed the damp washcloth in the empty sink; they'd need it later for sure to clean up.

Allen gave a slight one shouldered shrug as he closed the cabinet door. "I've just got something on my mind that I'm not comfortable telling anyone."

Lavi eyed him a few moments before turning and starting a load of laundry. "Road knows."

"Of course she knows…" he mumbled, looking away ashamed. He knew what was going to come out of Lavi's mouth next; the one and only hang it over your head until you spill line.

"I thought I was your best friend too…"

Biting the inside of his lower lip and turning towards the living room, Allen began to walk away from Lavi guiltily.

"It's a good possibility that I'll tell you tonight," he admitted before he disappeared down the hall. "But don't hate me when you do know…"

Lavi growled slightly in irritation as he watched his friend retreat. He could vaguely remember what he had talked about with Road the previous week, but not enough to place things together.

xoxoxox

Kanda, Lenalee, Road, Miranda, and Tyki were all gathered in the kitchen with the other two some hour or two later and Lavi still couldn't get Allen out of his head.

He began handing out shot glasses and pulled all their usual alcohol from the fridge, holding the last bottle in Allen's face with a wry grin.

"You should like this one," he said as he twisted the top off the Pinnacle Tropical Punch vodka bottle. "Vodka doesn't burn as much as schnapps. And the guy at the liquor store said it was sweet~"

"Sold!" Allen chuckled halfheartedly at having heard that it was sweet. And so, Lavi promptly poured him a shot and then turned to everyone else, filling their glasses with their respective drinks.

"Clinkies!" Lavi cheered as they all took their first shot. "So…how was it?"

Allen had just set his shot glass and chaser of Sunny D aside, making a thoughtful face. "It's actually pretty smooth and tasty," he admitted with a real smile.

"Good! Hopefully you won't get sick from it."

"And now we'll be even," Kanda sneered as he read the percentage of the new bottle.

Within seconds, Allen was chest to chest with Kanda, a shit eating grin on his lips as he glared challengingly up at Kanda. "I'll tear you up this time," he said darkly. "Unless you're scared," he then went on with a small, disinterred shrug as Kanda glared even more at him.

"At least wait a half hour before you start that!" Lenalee scolded with her hands on her hips, giving them both a motherly stare of concern.

"Fine," Kanda relented as he turned away from Allen with his arms crossed over his chest and nose stuck in the air.

"They still do this?" Miranda then inquired as Kanda stalked off towards the living room. She hadn't had a Tuesday night off in some time…

"Sadly, yes," Lavi sighed as he poured another shot for himself.

"Us too!" Road chirped as she offered her shot glass, snatching up Allen and Lenalee's as he poured hers. "Kanda! You may as well join us for round two!"

xoxoxox

It hadn't been more than an hour since everyone had arrived, and Allen and Kanda were set at a tie this week for their competition. And in having done said competition, Allen was hanging all over everyone and giggling more than usual.

"I _REALLY_ like that vodka," he laughed as he swung an arm around Tyki's waist, nearly losing his balance in a fit of giggles.

"We can tell," Lavi chuckled as he took another shot for himself, shortly after picking up a green apple card. "Obnoxious."

"Do they have a Kanda card?" the silver haired teen then laughed as he somehow managed to stand upright and fan his cards out, his eyes crossing slightly as he leered at his cards with a semi-straight face.

Said long haired male sneered before mocking him in a barely audible tone, laying his own red apple card face down.

Road and Miranda's eyes fell on Kanda.

"Did you just _mock_ someone?" Road inquired as she laid her red cards face down in a pile on the table in front of her, looking to him in disbelief.

His glare then turned to her before he slammed his hand of cards down and stood, wobbling over to the alcohol.

"Guess so," Miranda giggled, using her fan of cards to cover her smile before his glare turned to her.

The game finished like it did many nights, in which Allen would disappear down the hall to relieve his bladder and everyone else would clean up the card game in lieu of something else 'fun'.

Of course Allen should've expected this, but pouted nonetheless as he rounded the corner into the kitchen, noting that the gravity bowl was one again making itself at home on Lavi's kitchen table with an unpleasant smell filling his nostrils.

"Come on," Road smiled, grasping Allen by the elbow and pulling him into the living room to sit on the couch. "You're not as obvious tonight," she commented offhandedly as they settled onto the black leather couch, Miranda taking her turn in giggling and wobbling down the hall to the bathroom.

"Because I _REALLY_ like the vodka," Allen repeated from earlier, smiling lopsidedly at her.

"Good!" she said, hugging him briefly.

"But," he said, his expression turning distant, though a small smile still tugged at his lips as he rubbed his fingers together nervously. "I think I'm going to tell him tonight."

"You sure?" the young girl pressed, unsure about the situation.

"He's getting upset with me because you know and he doesn't. He pulled the 'best friend' card on me before you guys got here…"

She leaned back into the couch, looking thoughtful. "Can I talk to him first?"

Allen hunched over, his elbows on his knees with his hands dangling between them, his gaze locked to the carpet beneath his feet. "Why? I want to tell him myself…"

"Don't worry about that!" she giggled, wrapping an arm around his back reassuringly. "I'm not going to tell him. I just want to ask him a few things before you say anything to him; I don't want to see you broken, Allen."

"Road, you wanna hit?" Lenalee giggled, swinging herself slightly around the archway to the kitchen as she grasped at it with both hands.

"No, thanks," was the reply before she leaned in close to Allen, whispering something in his ear.

"Allen, you okay?" Lenalee then asked as she stumbled into the living room, moving to kneel in front of him but instead more so fell to her knees, leaning down a bit so she could look up at Allen.

He quickly plastered on a fake smile and sat up a bit. "I'm fine!"

She frowned at him a bit before she managed to stand, though Allen ended up offering her a hand before she could manage to fall backwards into anything. "I don't think you are," she retorted, her head swaying slightly as she eyed him now that she was standing, her hands on her hips with another motherly expression. "And you're just as guilty looking," she then continued, looking to her cousin who was still partially draped over the teen beside her.

"Everything's fine, Lenalee," Road assured her as she stood, pulling Allen up with her before she pushed him in the direction of the kitchen.

While Road tried to convince her loving and overly worried cousin that everything was okay, Allen swayed into the kitchen, reaching for his shot glass and the bottle of vodka.

"Whoa! You sure you should be drinking anymore tonight?" Lavi gasped as he noted Allen's shaky hands trying to pour himself a shot. "Let me before you make another mess…"

Allen sighed and sat the bottle down a bit harder than intended, managing to keep his shot glass steady enough for Lavi to pour him a shot.

"I don't know if I should be drinking anymore tonight or not," he said before he downed the liquor, chasing it right after. "But I do know I'll need it for later."

Lavi eyed him, a concerned and confused expression on his face as he screwed the lid back on the bottle. "Need it for what?"

"You wanted to know, didn't you?"

"And you need that much alcohol in your system to tell me? Jesus, Allen, what the hell could be nagging you so hardcore that you need do drink this much?"

He almost spilled it right there as he stared slightly unfocused eyes into Lavi's concerned ones. However, after having calmed her cousin down, Road had returned to Allen's side and promptly swept Lavi into the living room, leaving Allen to lean against the counter and talk to Miranda while Tyki, Lenalee, and Kanda continued taking hits from the bowl and laughed with each other.

"Lavi," she said, gently pushing him onto the couch, though she remained standing and glancing nervously towards the kitchen frequently. "I need to ask you a couple things…"

"Does this have to do with…"

"I'm asking the questions," she scolded lightly, Lavi silencing himself as he opted for nodding. "How serious are you about Lenalee?"

"I've had a crush on her since I started working with you guys, and now that I know she and her man are on the rocks, I want to be her knight in shining armor; give her something to look forward to rather than dread."

"Okay," she said, her inhale being a bit shaky as she rubbed her knuckles together, still glancing towards the kitchen. "Do you think that you would have a chance with her?"

"I hope so; I mean, she lets me hold her and touch her…And then there were the rumors not too long ago that she has a crush on me too…"

"So you haven't actually asked her how she feels about you?"

"No, but I want to; I just get so nervous whenever I think about it. I don't want to be shot down…"

"What if she does reject you?"

"Then I'll back off, I guess, unless she still lets me touch her. I don't think this is a crush I can get over easily, Road."

"Okay," she said again, her brain pounding against her skull as she thought. Things weren't boding well for Allen right now by the sounds of it. She then took a seat next to him, turning to look at him. "What if someone we know has a crush on _you_ and is afraid to tell you because of being rejected and wanting you to be happy with her?"

"Is it someone here…?"

"Lavi, I'm asking the questions!" she growled, staring dangerously into his eyes. "Answer it."

"Well…" he began, swallowing and turning his gaze away from her as he thought. "I've never thought of anyone else like I have her, so if someone confessed to me…I guess it would depend on who it was if I gave them a shot or not…" he said, nodding once to himself to affirm this.

"If you did accept this person's confession, would you back off Lenalee and treat them right?"

"Of course!" he yelped, locking gazes with her once more. "What do you take me for? A playboy?"

"I'm just trying to protect someone very close to us, okay?" she said, taking his hands in hers as she liked to do when she spoke to people seriously. "If everything you said is true, then I'm trusting you not to break anyone's heart. If you do…"

"Who is it, Road?"

"I can't tell you; you'll find out soon. Okay? And know this, if you do accept this person's feelings, I'll explain everything to her, alright?" she said, squeezing his hands before she released them and stood, shuffling off towards the kitchen

Lavi was still too tipsy, almost too drunk, to piece any of the small hints together that he had gotten tonight from Road and Allen, and so sat on the couch trying to make heads or tails about things and figure out who had a crush on him.

"Allen," Road murmured as she pulled him away from Miranda with an apologetic smile to a quieter part of the kitchen. "I don't know if things will work out for you; if he accepts you, he said he'd leave her alone."

Allen then looked at her wide eyed and terrified before it dawned on her how she had worded her sentence.

"No! I didn't tell him it was you! I didn't use names or he or she! What I mean is, he doesn't know it's you and he said that it depends on who it was that confessed to him whether or not he'd accept their feelings."

"So I have 50-50 chance," he sighed, falling back slightly into the counter as he moved to walk back across the kitchen to his shot glass, his current salvation.

"Yeah," she said as she helped him across the room, pouring him another shot so he wouldn't spill it from drunk and nervous shaking hands.

"Here's to not knowing who I'll be a half hour from now!" he smiled wryly, clinking shot glasses with Road and Miranda, who just wanted to join in for another round, and downing it, stumbling off towards the living room.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man. I'm just using the characters for my entertainment.

Pairings: Lavi/Leenalee, one-sided Allen/Lavi (for now).

Notes: AU. Allen has no scar and a normal arm, Lavi has both eyes, and Leenalee and Road are cousins. Has a heavy reference to drinking and drug usage. Some or most of the characters will probably be OOC at one point or another. You can decide their ages, though I put Allen around 19, so he's still not legally allowed to drink.

More notes: This story started off based off my Tuesday night drinking nights at my ex's house (sadly we broke up after a 7 year relationship because of his stupid reasons…my crush definitely not one of them as he often tried to talk Stacy into dating me…why, I have no clue…). I thought I had made Stacy uncomfortable one night as I had asked him to back off his advances with Ninja because it was making me uncomfortable and jealous since my ex wasn't like that with me anymore and because I had a crush on him. I found out from my boss (thanks Matt for tell on me! DX) that I had apparently made Stacy feel awkward around me because of what I had said; Stacy told me last week, after I had apologized about it, that it wasn't me that was making him feel like that, it was Ninja. She had even broken up with her boyfriend (and she has a kid with this guy) to be with Stacy, but something happened that I didn't catch/don't know about so that he was done with her and didn't want to drink at my house anymore because she would be there…Thankfully though, Ninja and her man are back together! I don't like to see families broken up for a crush…

Also, I say in the Character Roles that Allen's persona is based off of me and I have him around 19…I'm definitely not a minor! Just wanted to toss that out there! Sadly, I'm starting to feel old only being 27...

**Character Roles**:  
Allen is more so based off me as is Road being my conscience.  
I guess Tyki would be my friend Matt; he likes to cuddle with me when we crash for the night in a drunken stupor. XD  
Lavi would be Stacy, a guy I have a crush on that I work with, who has a crush on 'my ninja', Lyndsay (she's just short enough that I don't see her half the time, so I accuse her of sneaking up on me all ninja like), who would be Lenalee.

* * *

Crushed

"Lavi," Allen called once he was standing in front of his friend, practically falling bottom first onto the couch beside the redhead, who still seemed to be deep in thought.

"You, my friend, have had entirely too much to drink tonight."

"Never mind that!" he said, waving a hand in the air a bit too wildly before he slapped said hand on Lavi's back. "Listen, I need some fresh air and I want you to join me."

Lavi knew it was time; Allen was ready to tell him. But he wasn't sure if he was ready to hear what Allen had to say if he had to drink nearly the whole bottle of vodka…

"Sure, let me take another shot then I'll be out," he smiled as he placed a warm hand on Allen's knee, squeezing it gently before he stood and took the few steps back into the kitchen.

The teen had _almost_ launched himself into Lavi's lap just from him touching him innocently; he was so drunk and desperate that he didn't care, but he managed to restrain himself.

He stood, walking as straight as he could to the front door and opening it before he walked out to the railing and leaned against it, letting the cool night air caress his face as he inhaled deeply, trying to take in a few moments of peace of mind before his world could potentially crash down around him.

Allen stood there and waited a couple minutes, slightly worried that Lavi had either forgotten about him in his drunkenness, or that he and Lenalee were making out in a corner of the kitchen.

"Sorry," Lavi said another minute later as he shut the door behind him, taking a spot on the railing, though he was turned so that his elbows were propping him up on the top bar and he was facing his apartment door. "I had to fend off Tyki," he grinned lopsidedly as his gaze fell to his distant looking friend. He couldn't help but admire the way the city lights reflected off Allen's face or the way his hair danced in the breeze.

"It's okay," Allen said, not looking away from the city below. He sighed a minute or two later before he turned his body to look at Lavi, who returned the gesture.

"Lavi…" he began, his voice trembling enough that the redhead caught it as olive green eyes locked with vulnerable silver ones. "There's no simple way to tell you, so I'll just say it…" He shut his eyes tight, his fists balled at his sides for some form of concentration and support. "I'm in love with you."

Those olive green eyes widened considerably as he stared at the blushing and scared teen before him.

"Allen…" he breathed, not moving, nothing more falling from his lips.

Tears started slipping from behind closed eyelids, his nails digging into his palms before a sob finally escaped his lips at the silent rejection. He turned and reached for the door handle and had just turned it when his eyes snapped open.

He turned to gaze down at his free hand, his wrist caught in a still shocked Lavi's grip. "Let go," he said weakly, his gaze falling to the pavement at his feet.

"I won't," Lavi said, though he loosened his grip fractionally. "You said you wanted to talk."

"And I told you what I had to say," he murmured as his hand slid from the door handle.

"Allen, why did you wait so long to tell me this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he hiccupped as he restrained his sobs. "I've known for ages that you like Lenalee; I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I didn't want to lose you!"

Lavi sighed as he gently grasped his friend's shoulders, turning him to face him. "True friends don't run away when they're told something like this," he said softly as he titled Allen's chin up so he could see the broken expression the other wore. "I never expected for a guy like you to fall for me," he admitted.

"So what now?" Allen mumbled, his gaze anywhere but at Lavi's face even as the redhead's grip remained on his chin.

"Honestly," Lavi started with a slight chuckle, releasing Allen's face as he pulled him into a hug, crushing the teen to his chest and petting his hair. "I have no idea."

"Then just tell me no already so I can get over this," Allen cried as he grasped tightly onto Lavi's shirt, burying his face completely into the chest he was pressed against.

"I can't do that just yet," Lavi said, noticing how Allen began to struggle to free himself. "I need a little time to think about this. So I won't tell you no just yet."

The silver haired youth stopped trying to break free and broke down completely in his arms. This wasn't a pain he had been expecting, nor ever wanted to experience again.

"Let's go find Road," Lavi said, once again taking Allen by the shoulders and moving him back slightly from his body. He knew that his friend would want to be with her after this ordeal and no one else.

Allen nodded weakly, his heart pounding in his chest as Lavi took his hand, though his expression remained the same as he was led back inside.

Road was waiting expectantly on the couch for them with Miranda, while the others were still in the kitchen laughing and having their own fun. She was up and at Allen's side within moments with a sympathetic expression as she whisked Allen down the hall to console him, throwing a slight glare back at Lavi.

The redhead felt miserable, to say the least. It only made sense now that all the pieces and hints fell into place; he should've seen the signs sooner. He hadn't meant to break Allen's heart, he was his best friend after all. He had just never thought of the younger teen that way…

xoxoxox

"Please, Road, just let me go home," he begged the girl he was clinging desperately to, trying to fend off his sleepiness. "I can't wake up next to him again! I just can't!"

"As soon as everyone else is gone, I'll walk you next door," she soothed, running a hand through his hair as she gently rocked them on the bed. "I don't want any of the others to see you like this, and I know you don't either."

She had a point, but just being in this too familiar apartment that had become his second home was too much for him at the current time.

"Why does this have to hurt so much?" he murmured against her neck as he began playing with the tips of her hair. "Why do humans feel such strong emotions?"

"I don't know," she admitted, noticing a dead weight easing its way onto her shoulder. "You know if you fall asleep now, I won't be able to wake you…"

"I know…" he breathed, his eyelids completely closed and his hand falling from her hair. "But I'm so tired…"

Road had lost the battle; there was no getting a drunk and passed out Allen home on her own. If she were to ask for help, everyone would want to know why Allen wasn't just crashing in Lavi's bed like he did every other time.

'Maybe I can get Lavi to help me…as much as I don't want him touching Allen right now,' she thought as she gently tucked Allen in on the bed. 'All I can do for now is let him rest…'

xoxoxox

**xXx Lavi's POV xXx**

I should have seen the signs, should have caught the hints…but I didn't. And now my best friend is paying the price for it.

Even if I _had_ caught on and figured it out, would he still be hurting like this? Would I have stopped pushing the issue? Would I have let him continue pining after me and getting more and more distant each day?

I sigh, raking a hand through my hair and tugging on it slightly as I thought.

"What's on your mind?" Lenalee smiled as she sat next to me on the couch, wrapping her arms around my shoulders but keeping the rest of her body at a distance. "You've been quiet ever since you came back inside."

"Something…" I sigh again, gently removing her arms from around me as I stare unfocused at the carpet. "Something big just came up and I don't know what I should do about it…"

"Like what?" she asked, concern lacing her voice as I feel her confused gaze on me.

"Lenalee," I begin a few silent moments later, finally turning to her. "This thing between us…Would anything come of it?"

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open, but no words came from it, before she closed it and worried her bottom lip with her teeth.

"I know it wouldn't be easy…" I say, knowing that it would be painful for her to leave the guys she's with; they've been together for a while and had even been talking about having a kid together soon despite their ups and downs. "And you know I wouldn't ask you to leave him for me, right? I don't want to be selfish. I'm just sure that this is a looks only crush between us…"

She looks away, seemingly ashamed at the truth. "I don't regret what we've done," she says, wringing her hands together. "But I don't think I'd have the courage to leave him…especially not for something that we don't know what will happen a week from now between us…"

We both sat silently for a few minutes, her eyes falling on Road over my shoulder as she gently closed the door behind her.

"Allen said something to you, didn't he?" she murmured, shyly meeting my gaze.

There was no use denying it.

"He confessed to me," I said bluntly.

"I see…"

"And I made a promise," I went on, knowing that Road was only a few steps behind my back, almost to the kitchen entrance. "I promised that I would leave you alone and take this seriously if I accepted his feelings."

"And do you accept them?" Road asked; I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head.

"I need some time to think on it," I reply, turning to face her properly to show her how serious I was about this. "I know he's hurting right now, but I don't want to jump into something blindly and hurt him even more."

"Good answer," she nods, smiling briefly at me before walking into the kitchen.

As I turn back to Lenalee, I notice the tears in her eyes as she bites her lip, trying to be quiet. "I really like you, you know, and as much as it hurts for a simple crush, I want you to be happy with whatever choice you make. You and Allen…" she sniffs, rubbing her right eye with the palm of her hand. "You two have been damn near inseparable since you started working with us."

"And you always smile and laugh the most around him," Miranda chimed in, having unintentionally eavesdropped on us from the kitchen. "And you tell each other everything without fear."

Lenalee nods in agreement, wiping a few more tears away with a smile on her face, though I could see her lips still quivering. "I think you can only gain happiness from this," she says, completely sincere.

"Thanks guys," I smile in return. "I honestly didn't know here to start even thinking about this…That helps a lot!"

"That's what we're here for!" Miranda giggles, slapping my back. "Oh, no!"

Within seconds I understand what the 'oh, no' was for; I flick my tongue across my lips, taking in the flavor of the drink now dripping down from my hair.

Miranda disappears to the kitchen, presumably to get some paper towels or the damp cloth I knew would come in handy tonight, while Lenalee giggles at my misfortune.

"Fruit punch vodka," I comment as I take another flick of my tongue in.

"I'm so sorry, Lavi!" Miranda yelps as she enters the living room entirely too fast, falling face first to the carpet as she trips over her own feet.

"Don't worry about it!" I laugh, standing and helping her up. "Just wipe down the couch for me so it doesn't get sticky; I'm gonna go shower."

We had all had a talk with the klutz a while ago about her problem with over apologizing, and I could see her fighting it back as I place a hand on her shoulder.

"We'll probably be heading out soon," Road says as she, Tyki, and Yuu appear behind Miranda. "It's getting kind of late."

"Well, if you guys are gone before I'm done showering, I'll see you at work!" I smile before grimacing a bit as I turn my back to them as I can feel the alcohol making my face sticky. "Thanks for coming out again!"

As I enter my room, I pause before shutting the door, letting the dim hallway light reflect off Allen's pale face as he sleeps soundly in the middle of the bed. Around his eyes is still puffy and slightly red from where he had been crying. I'm shocked that he actually passed out here and didn't want to run home and hide…


End file.
